Fuck. I've always wanted to start with that word. If I ever write a book, it'll be the first word in the first paragraph on the first page. It's what your parents did do create you. (I, personally, was not born.. I was found.) It's the last word that'll go through your head when you die, probably preceeded by the word "holy".

Holy Fuck.

And you're dead.

I learned only recently that it was a police acronym... never knew that before. If you break it down into its components, though, it stops working. For example:

Holy For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge.

And you're dead.

Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? None of the words, on their own, even come close to stirring passionate emotions. And yet, it ilicits SUCH reactions among the conservative right. That's what makes it so much fun to say.

Why, oh why, aren't we offended by other acronyms? Shouldn't "ASAP" make us angry? Or "Assassin"? OK, so it's not an acronym, but the religious right have hired assassins throughout history to kill people on the morally detestable left, yet "assassin" is clearly a reference to male homosexuality, or female anal intrusion.

"Ass." "Ass." "In."

Obvious, huh?

So you get for unlawful carnal knowledge-ed in the ass (figuratively -- like a bullet to the back of the cranium), and you're dead.

Holy cow.

© 2000, Michael Yanovich. www.mentalsnot.com